No matter how long you’ve been on the face of this planet, even when you think you’ve been if not everywhere, then most places, seen most things, and reckon that there’s not much left to surprise you, along comes something to do just that. Football’s pretty good at doing that. Since I last troubled you for a few minutes of your time, Bishop have done something that I honestly believed they would never do in my lifetime, and started work on their new ground. Mind you, I won’t hold my breath waiting for the first game at Tindale.

England also managed to surprise, by playing like a proper football team and winning their fifth group game in a row. On Saturday, we’d enjoyed the game that much that we decided to watch the Scotland game, but when the lights came on upstairs at the Ship, we were surrounded by kids and their parent. A fundraising event for a junior football team. Darts, doms, and every indoor league game you can imagine, so we Bittermen joined in the parents v children competition. Some of us had to be children for the evening, which was nice. On Wednesday, there was only one seat at the Station between five of us, so we nipped over to the King’s at half time, awoke the other three customers from their slumbers, and drank all of his Workie Ticket. That’s our venue for next time sorted. Another result like that will do as well.

What I’d really like is for Sunderland to surprise me and win a couple in a row and make us safe, and for us to do it as soon as possible. When England were knocking their opposition to bits last Saturday, they managed to break three centre forwards, including the pesky Carlton Cole, which is handy. Whatever happens, it’ll all be over next month. Next month – not far to go, only eight games including West Ham – and we’ll be sorted one way or another, and we can all go away on our holidays and forget football for a couple of weeks. If you’re going to Tenerife, give Samson’s Bar in Playa Fanabe a try. With a name like that, it’s no surprise that it’s Michael and Michaela Diamond from Hebburn running the place, that the walls are suitably adorned with all manner of things red and white, and there’s Sunderland on the big screen.

Before that, though, we need to win those two or three games that will see us safe. While the jury’s still very much out on Sbragia, he’s doing no worse than half the managers in the Premier League, and we’ve got five points more than we had at the same stage last time around. I’ve a feeling that his defensive know-how will see us not losing on enough occasions to do the job. While Jones might have played for T&T, Ricky has recognised that Kenwyne hasn’t been at his sharpest in recent weeks and could give him a break in the East End. Given Healy’s penchant for scoring in difficult games for Norn Irn, he could well be the man to score a few before the end of May if given the chance. Having said that, I think Stoke will decide who goes and who stays, as they play almost every team in the bottom group in their remaining games.

Craig Gordon’s absence from the first team naturally led to his absence from the Scotland team – no surprise, really – so the papers built the situation up so that it seemed as if he’d be on his way. No problem really, as his replacement Allan McGregor got pissed and banned for life. Some footballers really are as stupid as we think they are, and the less said about Cisse’s escapades on Wednesday night the better. It’s not as if he wasn’t going to get recognised.

I wasn’t going to mention them up the road, but the news that Angel of the North Shearer intends to bring in new faces was greeted with joy by assistant Ian Dowie, who asked “can I have one?”

So it was the usual early start, made a wee bit earlier by picking up Reg at Evenwood first, then joining Sixercabs. Sixercab’s driver went to the top of Judith’s Christmas card list on Friday evening when the text came in “what time do you want picking up?”, meaning that Judith didn’t have to rise at daft o’clock to take us through for the bus. Or perhaps I’ll just buy him a drink. At Grantham services we were in the company of a coachload of Leeds fans (Leeds, Leeds, dorty Leeds) which would never have happened in the past, all complaining about having to pay £20 for a Colchester ticket. Welcome to the real world, Leeds, Leeds, dorty Leeds.

Other than that, it was a good journey down that saw us at Upton Park before noon, and straight on the tube. The Coborn Arms was sunny, bright, and populated with more Sunderland fans that the Essex/Rutland branch that we’d arranged to meet up with. The Young’s beer was delightful, the Spurs fan who shared our table to watch their game against Blackburn thoroughly good craic – despite asking if we were mags – and the ham, eggs, and chips right up Reg’s street. The subsequent nonsense on the tube saw us miss the first minute of the game, but it was a blessed relief to be in the back row in the shade.

Gordon
Bardsley Collins Ferdy Ben
Mlabranque Deano Richo Leadbitter Murphy
Cisse

For the first ten or fifteen we were up there with the Hammers, but when you go to places like West Ham (no disrespect) you should be going there to win, not to try and stay unbeaten. One up front at Arsenal or Man U is understandable, but not at West Ham. As it was, our overmanned midfield did its job for the first part of the game, but you always had the feeling that once the home side got a bit of play in their favour they’d keep hold of it. We should have scored on ten minutes when Leadbitter got in his second good strike of the day, but it was wide, and Steed also missed the target when well placed. We set our stall out by getting bodies in the way of West Ham’s efforts, and the home fans – particularly the fat lad in near the corner, who took exception to our chants of “have you ever seen your dick” - were very surprise at how much we dislike the mags. As the first half wound down, Djib fired in a scandalously hopeful shot, which won us a corner which we failed to use to our advantage. They then walked into the box from their left, and there was debutant Stanislas at the back post to score his first and probably easiest ever goal. Shit, shite, and buggerahell. There was still time for Ferdy to produce a great saving header before the whistle, but there was no denying that we deserved to be where we were.

No changes for the second half, and we pressed forward straight away for Bardsley to have a fierce shot well saved, but that only made way for a period of West Ham pressure. Murphy passed up the chance to run into space on the left, and it was down to Gordon to make a good save. From a corner ten minutes in, they knocked in the second and we were dead and buried. We did produce a couple of moments, but Green was up to the job each and every time. Jones replaced Murphy, and Edwards replaced Steed, but it was only the latter who had any influence on the game. Jones was again guilty of looking static (even if he wasn’t, but there’s a lot to be said for putting on a show) while Carlos at last gave us the width we’d been craving. A couple of shots, a couple of crosses, but all fairly easy for Green.

Spector then clashed heads with Ben Haim and the game was held up for a good six or seven minutes, but their enforced change didn’t make much difference to us. Where Leadbitter had fired in the first half shots, Richardson did likewise in the second half, but to no avail. Youth team players fitting in nicely to the first team Round pegs in round holes, well done West Ham. Simple, isn’t it?

Overall, a very bad day at the office. Blackburn won, thankfully, but on this performance you can’t really see where we’re going to get more than a couple of points from in our upcoming games. With the mags having to play boro, there’s going to be at least a point for one of those two, and that could spell trouble for us.

Remember that bit at the top of the page about Ricky’s defensive knowledge being enough to keep us safe? I take it all back. To win points you have to try to win points, and the team we put out simply wasn’t there to win. Not good enough, Ricky.

Man of the Match?

Well, Leadbitter tried his best in the first half and Richardson in the second, but I’ll be a complete killjoy and give it to Gordon for a string of good saves. And not getting pissed and sticking the Vs up at the fans.

Keep the Faith, though it’s hard at the minute.

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