Here we go again (I spent my usual several hours doing the run-up to the game on Friday night, as is my wont, then lost the file. Bugger). Bear with me while I try to remember what those 1,200 words were...

There was the usual rant about the state of the nation, the bit about how well my Dream Teams are doing (more of that later) and a bit about beer and stuff like that. Then the bit about former players Brown, Lawrence, and Stern John scoring for their new clubs. Just another week, really, and you might just see the details next Saturday evening. If I can find them, like.

Basically, the youths played below their recent selves against a better-on –the-night Man City side, the club buggered up the entry to the ground by publicising the game like mad and then forgetting to have enough turnstiles open. Result? Official crowd of 4,191, real crowd more like 6,000 or even more, and a lot of lost revenue. Not that money is the issue, more the getting of the crowd safely to their seats, which was not helped by the opening of the gate at the SWC to allow folks in for free. It’s only half time, and Bally’s Bairns have shown in the past that they’re made of stern stuff, but they will have to raise their game if they’re to make it to the final.

Yesterday showed that the FA Cup has still got all of the magic that the powers that be have been trying their utmost to get rid of in recent years. Gan on Portsmouth and Barnsley, what a double that would have been at the bookies. Our lass looked at me as if I was mad (I know, I know) when I leapt up as Barnsley scored, but what a cracking game. For me, Malouda should be sent home to give his head a real shake after his “I don’t play at grounds like Oakwell” performance. Hey, that’s what football’s all about, bonny lad. As was Bishop’s game against Whitley Bay, when I’d probably have been better off staying at home and watching England’s rugby team bore the world to death. As it was, I spent 45 minutes with a gale blowing on my back and the hail/rain/sleet stinging my cheek as Bishop let in two towards the end of the half, then quite rightly expected them to take full advantage of the gale in the second half (despite having a forward line with a combined height of Bobby Kerr). What happened? The wind died down, I had to put my sunglasses on, and we spent the second half chatting to Bay’s ‘keeper. Never mind, Messers Torres and Gerrard did my aforementioned Dream Team no harm at all by dancing around the circus that is NUFC. And there are people out there, professional football people included, who still believe that Keegan is doing the right thing. Aye, and he knew all about the arrival of Wise and Hughton as well.

As far as the real big game of the weekend, it was us, and the decision is Roy’s whether to bring back Danny C in place of Danny H, or if there is space for Miller. What with Reading showing just what an unexpected win can do (six places up the league) and Bullard giving Fulham what may hopefully be false hope, there’s even more resting on today’s match. Being a Sunday, it was a bit weird to be setting off at the normal time, but even that was no reason for Rossy and Dave to be trying the free “taster” of Jacques fruity nonsense (it had notes of cut grass and Appletise, I reckon). We managed, though, and boarded our...

Minibus who’s driver cared for neither wounds nor scars
And off we set for Sunderland,
Where queer things us befell,
And very soon forgot about the cider with the smell.

A good Everton turnout (as predicted thanks to the moved barriers on Thursday night) saw them line up with a keeper and ten blokes in blue, and us.

Gordon, Bardsley, Noz(the Prem’s most effective defender, according to the stats) and Collins at the back, Stokes, Whitehead, Leadbitter, Richardson, and Murphy in the middle, and Lonesome Jones up front.

A couple of minutes of sharp Everton passing were ended by a Stokes tackle, then we broke with Jones down the right. From the throw, Jones ran into the edge of the box but ran out of space when he got near the middle of it. Our diamond/Christmas tree/hobbit formation seemed to serve no purpose other than to invite the visitors onto us, and the bairn behind was being fed corn-based snacks high in e numbers in an effort to keep him awake for the duration. After 14 minutes, Murphy played in Collins when a run or cross would have been a better option, and it became apparent that our midfield needed someone of the Miller type to harry and harass – Liam Miller perhaps? Stokes collected an overhit cross and found Jones amongst the keeper’s arms, and the chance was gone. A blatantly non-push on Johnson brought the first of an hour’s worth on crazy decisions from the ref, who decided that he’d see every challenge on a blue shirt as a foul and every challenge on a red and white one as nothing. Bardsley put in a great saving tackle on the edge of the box, then we put in some determined work down the left to produce a poor cross which was cleared before Johnson dived under the slightest of challenges. Our one-up-front tactics meant that Lescott could operate as a left winger, and their remaining three defenders had a game of cribbage, as there was little else for them to do. Stokes almost broke down the right, but it ended as yet more Everton players dived for the turf. And two of them had short sleeves and gloves, which is wrong on so many levels.

We did win a free-kick for a foul on Bardsley on the right, and Deano’s ball in was met by Collins then the ref’s whistle for an offence that only he saw. A perfect tackle by Whitehead in the centre was seen as a foul, then we almost produced a surprise on 40 minutes as a cross from the left snuck past the defence and the far post. Defensive organisation paid off when Stokes held his ground at the post and cleared off the line, and they headed that clearance over the top. One minute added, and one shot on target between the two sides. Roy says that he’s still learning, but I’d have thought that one up front would have flashed up in his mind as neither use nor ornament with the midfield personnel at our disposal. Play to win and you just might. Play to draw and you’ll probably lose.

Stokes didn’t come out for the second half, replaced by Chopra, which sounds nice, but he took up position on the right wing, which doesn’t. Despite this, we started with a bit more purpose, and Richardson fed Murphy, and his cross just missed Jones on the spot as Lescott clattered into him. Bardsley kept up the good work at the back with two cracking tackles, only to be fouled by Cahill. The stinky Oz didn’t celebrate his thug of a brother’s incarceration when he was rightly booked, just for a change. Jones then found Leadbitter, who passed to Richardson, but when the ball came out wide to Murphy the first touch went to Shields, and the move was over. As our lack of penetration became more obvious, the e umbers wore off and the bairn behind fell asleep. Grant’s shot was blocked, then Murphy’s low cross was taken before Everton broke. Collins failed to clear properly, and when the cross from their right went right over, it was back in and into the net by Johnson. 1-0, and I hope his hair never grows back. There was even an Everton fan in the North stand who thought it was a good idea to celebrate. Several useful-looking bats to the head later, he’s probably changed his mind.

Chopra had a shot charged down on 61 minutes, then we gave away a free kick on their right which was cleared, and Leadbitter, Chopra and Deano looked to be making headway but we lost the ball again. Some nice stuff down the right saw Richardson played in by Leadbitter, but the shot was well wide. Murphy was replaced by Reid, and we won our first corner soon after this, with it being met by Collins but easily cleared. Jones powered to the edge of the box but was halted by a good tackle on 72 minutes, but despite this we always seemed to be on the back foot and Prica came on for Grant. Two up front at last! Chopra had another shot blocked, Everton ran down the time with three substitutions, including the most protracted doubler ever. Our second effort on target was a header easily taken by Howard, then Prica chested to Jones but the shot went wide from 20 yards. Prica then shot from a mile out without troubling the keeper, and in the four added minutes, a free-kick form Reid 25 yards out was tipped over. The corner found the head of Jones, but nothing came of it and the whistle went.

A disappointing performance from a duff formation, and a ref who gave a lot of things simply because he had a whistle and wanted to use it. However, the main reason for our defeat was quite simple and easy to spot – one up front is no use. No points today leaves us in a precarious position and needing to do a Barnsley next week against Chelsea. Not good enough, Roy.

Man of the Match? Probably Noz, who upped his tackle success rate against a very physical Yakubu (i.e. spot your marker and back into him) and can’t be blamed for the pressure we allowed ourselves to be put under.

Keep the faith

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