When I heard that the Barcode’s answer to Thomas Hauser, Andy Carroll, had scored three goals against Carlisle in their 6v1 victory in the previous round match, I somehow knew we were in for goals, although when the game ended Sunderland Ressies 8v0 Carlisle United perhaps I was being a little unrealistic thinking that we hadn’t won by a proportionately bigger score-line than our class deserved in comparison to the scumbags.

The lads lined up for the totesportcasino.com cup at Hetton with an experienced side including Colgan, Leadbitter, Murphy and Healy. Murphy started up front on point with Healy playing in a wide right role, youngster Jordan Cook in a similar position on the left, Grant and Hendo in the middle and Weir behind them in front of a back four of Kay, McArdle, Hartley and Luscombe who deputised at left back in the absence of Michael Liddle. Well I say absence, Lids was there watching from the stand presumably having cadged a lift over with the Carlisle team bus. The subs were Wilson, Meyler, Colback, Chandler and Dowson although there were enough other current and former Sunderland men to make up another spare bench with Chris Turner, Martin Gray, Martyn Waghorn, and Pop Robson all in the stands.

Spag Bol was there too with Neil Bailey in charge of the team, so the two of them must have a hell of an over-time claim in come the end of the month. Having said that, it felt like there was definitely somebody missing and fair play to Keano he never missed a home reserve game to my memory.

The first opportunity came when Murphy did well down the left and crossed for Henderson and his well weighted, first-time ball played in Healy who cut in from the right but his shot lacked venom. A minute later Michael Kay also got up the right flank to shoot but again the shot lacked pace and venom.

Indeed despite the fact that we won by such a margin Carlisle gave as good as they got up until the first goal, partly assisted by McArdle’s inability to pass comfortably to another red and white shirted player, a propensity which allowed the lively Simon Hackney in on more than one occasion and perhaps he should have opened the scoring.

Colgan did extremely well to save with his legs after a shot had deflected a la Richardson at Hull and then threw himself bravely at an attacker’s feet to smoother the ball. Then just after the quarter hour mark, Madine ran through and again Colgan dived bravely at feet to save.

Robbie Weir was wearing the armband and played deep covering a lot of ground but his passing lacked quality and as with Colback in previous ressies games, it wasn’t until Grant dropped deeper and demanded the ball that Sunderland took control of the game.

The opener came moments later when Luscombe threaded a great ball to Henderson who set up Murphy for what looked a simple finish but he only did finish after his first effort came straight back to him off the foot of the post.

Just after the half-way point of the first period Murphy doubled his and the team’s tally when he cut in from the left and despatched a clinical finish into the far bottom corner of the net. By now the majority of the attacking was stemming from Luscombe’s raids down the left.

On 35 minutes a Hoddle-esque ball from Cook allowed Healy to cut in from the right and his shot cum cross flashed across the goal mouth just too quick for Leadbitter who was sliding in.

A bit of what I thought was sensible refereeing at the time meant Henderson and Smith stayed on the pitch after some heated handbags which other referees would have perhaps shown reds for. Having said that, by the mid point of the second half, when the goals started flowing and Carlisle became frustrated, a couple of ‘unpenalised’ fouls made me suspect the ref had in fact forgotten his cards.

Good play again down the left saw Cook set up Healy from the edge of the box and his finish was the best of the night thus far. It was a nice way to respond to Carlisle’s number nine who 30 seconds earlier had taken a sneaky swipe at the Ulsterman behind the ref’s back.

Carlisle could have reduced the arrears just before the break when McArdle gifted away the ball but Hackney’s threatening shot deflected for a corner from which Carlisle’s number three threatened the post, albeit the corner post with one of the worst efforts on goal I’ve seen for a long time.

H/T 3v0

Dowson at the start of the second period replaced Henderson and within three minutes he combined with Luscombe who’s cross saw Healy sliding in at the back post for 4v0.

Three minutes later, Murphy’s good cross saw Grant head just centremetres over the cross bar and then the latter had a free kick just tipped round the post by the keeper.

It was five on 57 minutes when Carlisle created chaos in their own box and as the defenders stopped and looked at each other, Healy nipped in for his hat-trick.

Cook’s excellent threaded ball set up Dowse for a chance just inside the box which the keeper did well to block and the keeper did well to keep the score down again a minute later when he parried Murphy’s strong shot on the turn.

Murphy was tripped on the edge of the box just on the hour mark and Grant this time hit his direct free kick straight into the top left corner of the goal for 6v0.

Weir then made way for steam roller Meyler and the Irishman must have thought ‘it’s easy this scoring lark’, so he had a go and I think someone in Easington Lane ended up with a lovely Safc footy for an early Chrimbo present. It’s not easy to clear the fence and the house at that end of the ground but he did so with plenty to spare so he won’t be trying that again any time soon after his team-mates have reminded him about it on the training ground.

Dowse was then unlucky when a combination of keeper and defender kept his effort out, but seconds later he was wiped out in the box and Murphy stood up and scored from the spot. Well I believe it was Murphy but it was such a good finish that you wouldn’t believe it was the same player who drags almost every effort across the keeper and wide in the pre-game warm ups in front of the North Stand every other week.

It was his hat-trick so with both Healy and Murphy on a hat-trick a fight to the death for the match ball at full time looked on the cards although that classic comment from years ago about being criticised by Geoffrey Howe was like being savaged by a dead sheep springs to mind, so I know who I would back.

However, I digress as the fight off was cancelled when Luscombe set up yet another goal for Murphy. This followed Dowse doing almost an entire circuit of the pitch making his way first up almost the full length of the left hand flank before cutting inside finding no support, turning back and looking like for all the world he was heading back to Colgan’s goal much to our delight. Thankfully Nath got in on the act, crossed superbly and Murphy had his fourth and the full time duel looked more likely to be between Madine and Meyler as insults were traded. I know who my money was on there too.

Full Time: Sunderland Reserves 8v0 Carlisle United Reserves

Sunderland: Colgan, Kay, McArdle, Hartley, Luscombe, Healy, Weir (Meyler), Henderson (Dowson), Leadbitter, Cook, Murphy

Subs unused: Wilson, Colback, Chandler

Man of the Match: Hard to believe perhaps when one player gets four and another three but young Nath set most of them up so it goes to Luscombe. Besides the guy to my left and the two lovely old dears who turn up every week to my right all thought it was Nath’s too, and that’s good enough for me.

Attendance: The number of people who turned up. Unfortunately that’s all I can say coz they didn’t announce it.

Dov